Here are a few smelly little stories I wrote after some peace-pipes, about my friend Simon. We love him really.

Once upon a time, Simon woke up. He was so boring he fell asleep again. The End.

One day, Stevie took his trousers off and called Simon over. Unfortunately the fellatio was so boring that Stevie fell asleep as he spunked down Simon's throat. The End.

Simon loved his cock so much he offered it to strangers more often than his hand. Simon was content spunking everywhere, especially on Bob at night whilst he slept. One day, Simon was performing fellatio acrobatically with Stevie and Richard on three donkeys, who were having a ball. Eventually the donkeys got bored and walked away to buy a bale of straw. Simon continued to perform fellatio on himself for days. When he realized he could roll around in this position, he rolled home, sucking himself off all down Skipton High Street. The End.

On another day, Simon poked his cock deep into a beehive, sloppily withdrawing and offering his stinging, honey-baked nubbin to Richard, who spread the honey on his toast, having run out of knives. "Thank you," he said, crunching into the stinky, nob-soaked bread. Unfortunately, this display of gluttony made Simon exceedingly hungry and he accidentally munched his own cock off. The End.