Baby It's Time
By Rusty Barnes
Cordell Bookatee kept his wife Poochie
pregnant, her ‘Baby Down Below’ blouse clashing violently with the faded red
suspenders and old jeans of his that she loved to wear. It was a way of keeping
her close by him. Her older sisters had got religion and feminism, each of them
within three months of the other. He didn’t begrudge a woman anything she
could get on her own. But he didn’t know what to say to their obsessions, or
to the magazines he’d never seen before that they had started leaving in the
rack by the toilet.
Ms. Mother Earth News. The New Republic. The bright colors looked odd next to
the more familiar Crafter’s Journal, Farmer’s Almanac, Pennsylvania Game
News. He hoped they would just leave it alone, but knew from his life with
Poochie that they would worry at him with their sharp tongues and teeth until he
gave in. She was their sister, and that blood tie came with more than any
husband could bear without scarring, sometimes.
Poochie had told him that she wanted babies and he had obliged her, with John
and Carrie and Becca and Bethel. Cordell thought it was what she wanted, but
when she had missed her period, peed on the stick for that fateful fifth time
and slammed the bathroom door in his face, he knew that something irrevocable
had passed between them. Her silence in bed that night had been as direct a
message as a punch in the jaw.
“Baby,” Cordell said, sliding his hand over her side and between her
breasts. Her shoulders shook against him. “I thought you wanted more kids.”
“Christ I didn’t think I’d get pregnant so soon.” She didn’t turn to
face him, the way she always had.
“It’ll be fine. All the others went fine.”
Poochie hid her head under her pillow. “I’ve been changing shitty drawers
for ten years. I just wanted a break.”
“But I thought children made it worth it, like that magazine article said.
Motherhood is the mode of the new woman, the fullness of womanhood.
Something.”
Cordell leaned over her and pulled at the pillow, trying to see her eyes. But
she didn’t come out from under it, and after a bit he heard her mumble.
“What?” Cordell bit back something harder he’d planned to say.
“You are as dumb as a hedge fence sometimes, Cordell.” Poochie came up, eyes
wet but smiling. “Fullness of womanhood. I can’t believe you read that.”
“Why not? I mean, Jesus. All those orgasm things. Like reading tittie mags,
almost.”
“Cordell. God. This is not sexy. I just don’t know how I can do it .” She
looked at him straight on. “I am done, Cordell. Just done.” She turned away,
shoulders still shaking slightly.
He didn’t say anything back to her, trying to gather his thoughts, but before
he could find words Poochie began to snore softly.
~
Cordell couldn’t quite turn his mind
around how children and the fullness of true womanhood didn’t mix. Poochie had
her own car and her job at the gas station, where the boss let her keep the
young ones, Becca and Bethel. He worked what was left of the farm and painted
houses when he could. So he resented Emilee and Flora’s constant evangelizing
on behalf of their obsessions, but couldn’t say anything. Who would take care
of the kids if they got pissy? When they managed to confront him, which was
fairly often these days as they helped Poochie through her last trimester, he
told them the same thing. “I keep pokin’ fun at her. She just takes it
serious is all.”
Emilee in particular was persistent. She was always at him , leaning on top of
the stanchion while he set up the milker.
“Katy’s not your slave, Cordell.”
“I know she’s not. The question is what are you?” Cordell shoved aside the
cats that gathered around as he disengaged the milker and went on to the next
cow. “She’s happy enough.”
“Cordell. You don’t need to be this way.”
“What way? Pooch. . .uh. . . Kate, does what she wants. I never beat her,
never walked out, the kids all got clothes.”
He’d have to call in the vet soon; three of the cows he’d milked had runnels
of blood on their legs. The fence was down somewhere.
“She needs something else.” Emilee spat into the drop. “Women need
something else.” She had a hard face, too skinny by an inch, off-center by a
hair, and altogether interesting to look at. Beautiful only by truly odd
standards, like Cordell’s.
“Time was, women didn’t need anything but what God gave them by his grace
and their ability. Time was, you girls didn’t need any of that other stuff.”
Time was, he thought, that my dick didn’t make me the enemy.
“Times change, Cordell.”
Emilee had said the same thing when she had asked him not to call his wife of
ten years Poochie recently . Cordell had looked at her, jaw-dropped, looked at
Poochie, pregnant again, and bit his tongue. Poochie. Kate. Which one would she
answer? He wondered if all those years had made her forget what her name was,
and if that was part of the problem. Or that he had forgotten. He sighed and
moved to the next row of cows.
Later on, in bed and after love, Poochie had told him to forget the name
business, then rolled ponderously out of bed and gone to sleep in the rocker by
the kitchen woodstove. He’d covered her with an afghan later on, the one
Emilee had made that matched the doilies only by the firmest one-track
imagination, and filled the teapot.
He stepped outside onto the concrete porch. He could hear the steel teapot as it
ticked slowly in the cold of early fall. Things wound down in the fall, Cordell
thought. He knew as sure as the chill sneaked under his collar that this
situation was not winding down, and he needed to figure out a way to make it do.
He needed it to live, in this house with this woman. As he wanted
to and as she wanted to as well, he thought.
Cordell wanted Poochie to be a woman of today, whatever that meant when Emilee
and those magazines said it. He wanted her happy. He wanted the kids happy. He
wanted Emilee to stop making his life complex. He was only human.
He bent to catch some grass in his hands. He hadn’t cut it in a while. Along
the side hill a cow lowed softly. He heard the constant thrum of his conscience
alongside the women in his head. Poochie. Emilee. Oddly enough, even the
magazine said that communication is great, but not everything, in a
relationship. It didn’t say anything though, about names. When something
banged against the stove, breaking his concentration, he couldn't tell at first
if the voice he heard was the one in his head, or Kate calling out.
"Cordell, baby– it's time."
Copyright © 2002 Rusty Barnes